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Would you Adam and Eve it?

In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time.

They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter.

When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven.

Each of the nuns studied their bible well, so they didn’t feel worried about this.

The first nun steps forward and tells the saint that she’s ready.

“Who was the first woman?” Peter asks.

“That’s easy!” exclaims the nun. “Eve!”

Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The second nun, encouraged by her colleagues’ easy pass, steps forward and tells Peter that she’s ready, as well. “Who was the first man?” Peter asks.

“Easy! That’s Adam!” says the nun, excitedly.

Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The third nun is now confident that she won’t have any trouble, and steps up to face Peter’s question. “What were Eve’s first words to Adam?” he asks.

“My, that’s a hard one,” the nun replies worriedly, but Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open…

A short story, from the pen of Mr Barry Cryer, about a woman who buys a parrot from a dockside pub and when she gets it home, it won’t stop swearing at her. So her husband went to see the landlord to see if he had any ideas…

“Every time it swears at you put it in the fridge for ten minutes” he says, “it doesn’t like the cold”

So the next time the parrot swore at them the husband picked it up and put it in the fridge and shut the door…

…quarter of an hour passed and the husband opens the fridge door and there’s the parrot hugging itself and shivering uncontrollably, it’s beak has gone blue…

“Now are you going to behave yourself now?” says the husband, the parrot just looks up at him meekly and nods it’s head…

“No more swearing OK ?” the parrot nods it’s agreement, the husband holds his hand out and the parrot hops on his finger.

…he sits staring at the husband then beckons him to come closer, the husband places his ear next to the parrots beak and the parrot whispers in his ear…

“What the fuck did that chicken do ?”

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