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You are currently viewing Breaking free from Islam Between Halal and Haram: Part 1

Breaking free from Islam Between Halal and Haram: Part 1

A Journey Through Hell Fire

by Khaled Hammad

Chapter 1: The “Now”

The 7th of October 2023, approximately 25 years past my conversion from Islam to Agnosticism, and about thirty-two days after I turned 51, my life has taken a turn that I would have never expected. It might be hard to imagine that after 25 years of a dismal, lonely journey of a Muslim from complete submission to Allah to a complete dismissal of his teachings, and at a stage where grey hair has crept up that dark-skinned skull of mine, A dramatic change in the way you perceive the world. It certainly was for me! It was probably more challenging to comprehend how quickly the house of cards collapsed than to digest the event and its consequences.

I do not know much about agnostics from other backgrounds, but it is apparent to me now that when a Muslim leaves his religion, the religion does not leave them very quickly, perhaps does not leave them at all. A trace element of the indoctrination that a Muslim has been subject to since childhood, stays with a rather bitter taste and undesired effects.

During the first thirty days of the war in the Middle East between Israel and Hamas, I surrounded myself with nothing but my thoughts, some essential food and my TV, I did not pay attention to anything, what time it was, which day I was living or what tasks I need to carry on to survive. I took a break from my entire life to follow what was going on around me. I felt alone, worried and sad. I had big questions. How did we get to where we are now as human beings? What happened to just and human rights? Are we, in the West, democratic humanitarian nations, or do we just dictate to the world through the dynamics of the Security Council? The most pressing question of all of them was, How do I align myself, being an atheist who has nothing but love for life and living beings, with my thoughts against Israel and with a deep desire to see Hamas win that war when I know the ideology that drives their actions. After thirty days of trying to digest the suffering and the death, kids running away from collapsing houses and adults moaning about their loved ones, I made the decision to switch off the TV and contemplate.

The outcome was astonishing, but perhaps instead of bothering the reader with my political stance from all that, I will take you on a journey through my life. How I was brought up, What kind of ideas I lived with during my adolescence, What formed my beliefs and why I became agnostic a long time ago. Way before the internet has made its way to our homes.

It all started around 1992 when I was studying accountancy at the University of Cairo.

To Be Continued

This Post Has 19 Comments

  10. bazza 28th December 2023

    Hi, again, Khaled,

    Many thanks for your detailed reply.
    As you can imagine, your answer raises some more questions.
    If you can find the time (and patience) I’d be very grateful if you could clarify a few points.

    1) You say, “.. in the heart of every Muslim, the old version of me included, the Quran is the absolute truth on this earth. It is the words of Allah, and without a doubt, everything said in the book is genuine. Building on that, If Allah says that the disbelievers are enemies of Muslims, there is no doubt that this would be the case.”

    Ok, I understand and expect that. Christians and Jews are also bound to accept their bibles to be the word of God. Most of the Old Testament wars were fought against ‘God’s enemies’.

    2) You pose the question “..which Muslims…” and “..which disbelievers?”

    I find this a little more difficult to understand.
    Are you suggesting that (a) some Muslims would disregard the warning and would not consider all disbelievers as enemies? And (b) which disbelievers might be seen as less threatening?

    3) You say, “Was it talking about the period when the Quran was defined, or is it valid for all ages? Consequently, would it mean the infidels and Muslims then or now?”

    This suggests that some interpretations in the Quran have changed over time depending on local and global events and attitudes. Is this a case of ‘new knowledge’ reshaping old ideas? Do any of the five schools of thought teach that ‘things have changed so we need to interpret certain things differently’?

    (Note: Check out the essay written by John Richards entitled, ‘Certainty’. This touches on the notion of what is required for something to always be true. https://www.atheismuk.com/certainty/ )

    4) “Many verses cannot be understood unless you know the event leading to the verse coming down.”

    Sure, I understand that. Context is crucial.

    5) “Every scholar explains the verse the way they see fit.”

    That sounds very familiar. Islam is not alone in this. All scholars, clerics, priests, vicars and imams offer variant readings of scripture. I have always felt that this is not about what they ‘think’ scripture means, this is about what they ‘want’ scripture to mean. Would you agree?

    6) “In general, Muslims feel that the West is not in their favour. The public seems to think that the West is carrying out a war on Islam. Western values do not sit right with Muslims. Add to that the support for Israel; we have the perfect recipe for a bad atmosphere. .”

    This is a very important area of discussion. Perhaps we could pursue this another time?

    I hope that you’ll continue with your essay about leaving religion. I’m finding it very interesting and encouraging. I never had a religion to leave so I don’t know how traumatic such a process can be. Your writing is very illuminating and I appreciate it.

    Anyway, very many thanks for your insights and honesty so far.

    Barry

    1. challenger72 29th December 2023

      Hi Barry,
      Thank you for your reply, and I appreciate your comments about my blogs. I have written 9 chapters so far so I am just as enthusiastic. Your questions are excellent. Please do not hesitate to ask me; I will do my best to address them.
      1) I do not think there is a question here.
      2) Moderate Muslims have not developed a profound understanding of their religions. They go on about their lives; therefore, fighting or thinking about enemies is not on their radar. However, when a traumatic event occurs, such as Gaza’s war, everyone is charged with animosity. The same applies to any disrespectful act toward the prophet Muhammed, such as disrespecting a mosque or burning the Quran. That leads to the second part of the question. I would think Jews and apostates are the worst enemies of Muslims.
      3) The Quran changed when the prophet emigrated from Mecca to Madina. It was more peaceful in Mecca and more aggressive in Madina. Based on that, you get both ideas. Some contemporary scholars say that these do not apply to our modern days, and some say the Madina verses have stopped the effect of the peaceful verses of Mecca. I am unsure about the connection between this topic and the school of thought. If you can elaborate on that, I will be happy to do my best. As a warning, though, I have studied the school of thought very briefly at university, but it is not my speciality area.
      4) does not need an answer.
      5) I agree. Scholars twist the text according to the times they live in, and mostly, it is to suit the state in power.
      6) I would be happy to discuss this at any time. Barry
      Best wishes for the new year, and thank you very much once more for your engagement and your compliments.

  12. bazza 21st December 2023

    Khaled,

    Thanks for agreeing to answer a few questions.
    My first is from Sura 4: 101.
    The final sentence reads: “In truth the disbelievers are an open enemy to you.”
    In your experience, do Muslims believe that this warning is ‘the truth’?
    Would a devout Muslim carry this suspicion of non-believers throughout his/her life?

    Any thoughts that you have will be read with great interest.

    Thanks

    Barry

    1. challenger72 22nd December 2023

      Hi Barry,
      Thank you for your question. It is a great question. From my experience, I can tell you that in the heart of every Muslim, the old version of me included, the Quran is the absolute truth on this earth. It is the words of Allah, and without a doubt, everything said in the book is genuine. Building on that, If Allah says that the disbelievers are enemies of Muslims, there is no doubt that this would be the case. However, to be accurate in replying to your question, we need to explore Which Muslims is the book talking about, and which disbelievers? These two will vary greatly depending on many factors. Was it talking about the period when the Quran “was defined, or is it valid for all ages? Consequently, would it mean the infidels and Muslims then or now? Are Christians and Jews included in this? They are looked at in different ways throughout the book. Also, the event for which the verse came down. Many verses cannot be understood unless you know the event leading to the verse coming down. Right now, you might feel that I have not answered your question. However, I have. This is why we have a lot of denominations in Islam. Every scholar explains the verse the way they see fit. Contemporary scholars are not any different either. You can get many interpretations from the Quran, and that is why no one will give a definitive answer to any question. For example, a terrorist will say yes, they are enemies, whereas a moderate Muslim will say that was for the time of the Prophet. In general, Muslims feel that the West is not in their favour. The public seems to think that the West is carrying out a war on Islam. Western values do not sit right with Muslims. Add to that the support for Israel; we have the perfect recipe for a bad atmosphere. I am sure you do not expect one, just like I do not, but no Muslim will send you or me a Christmas card this year, Barry. HAHAHA. I had fun answering your question. Please feel free to respond with more or ask again if I forgot to highlight what interests you in this topic.
      Kind wishes,
      Khaled

  14. challenger72 18th December 2023

    Hi Barry,
    Firstly, thank you very much for your comment. Learning that you do not mind reading more about my journey is encouraging. I am happy to answer any question about Islam to the best of my ability. Please post your questions here, and I will address them in a comment, or I will write a blog if it is going to require a longer answer. Thank you again, and I look forward to your questions.

  16. bazza 13th December 2023

    Hi, Khaled,
    Many thanks for deciding to share your journey with us here on the forum. I’ve enjoyed the first instalment and am hungry for more.
    Over the years I’ve accumulated many questions that I’ve wanted to ask a Muslim. I’ve tried to engage believers in the past but I never get anywhere. The furthest I’ve ever got is the usual, ‘Allah is the one true god’ and ‘The Qu’ ran is true’.
    Perhaps, when you’ve finished writing you’d be willing to answer a few questions.
    Barry

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